Awhile ago I decided that I should quit blogging. A few days ago a friend of mine asked me, “do you still blog?” I told her I do once in awhile but I was trying to write privately in a note book. Here’s the thing. I hate hand writing. I find that the most inspirational entries I have had are typed. I feel like my brain works better with the speed of my typing. So here I am…
I spent some time today reading through this blog. The past 4 years. Wow. What a mind and life I have. It has been amazing to see how life has changed over the past 5 years.
As you enter into your late 20’s… well as I enter into my late 20’s I feel different. I don’t know if everyone feels this way. I almost feel like I have lived a life to the fullest for 27 years and now I am okay just relaxing. Is this what most “adults” feel like? Is this when drives to change the world disappear? Is this the age when people begin to burn out because they realize the difficultly level of the goals they have previously listed? I feel like this is the time when people get caught up in worldly life, making money, buying homes, the best education for your kids, promotions, work drama, house tasks… etc.
This my friends is my biggest fear. I have said it throughout all of my journals…since I was a little girl. I am so scared to wake up one day and realize, “I did it life all wrong.”
It is all about perspective. I must not view owning a home, rushing home to fix dinner for my family, doing laundry and shoveling the driveway as “missing out” on my goals. It is okay if I am JUST a social worker, wife, sister, friend, daughter. It is okay if I do not have my name in books saying that I helped an entire nation learn to love. Am I created for bigger things like that? How do you know if you dream is unrealistic or if it is actually a part of who you are supposed to be?
I want to be a mom, a wife for mark and a person who cares and loves for those around her. When will I feel content with just loving other people? When will a career choice be enough? I am constantly on the move, looking for more. If I do not see the next “big thing” I am working for, I feel unmotivated. Empty. Useless.
I will be writing more. Praying more. Reading more.
I am back to me. I feel good with that.