The weight of the world…

The title says it all. I do not understand how I can help people treat each other nicer.  I am baffled by the way my students tear each other down in what is supposed to be a safe place.  I am mournful at the pain I see caused daily in the school system.  Teachers want to educate but instead they are left dealing with daily battles of drama, hateful acts and disrespect.    I feel helpless because I am not consistently with these kids… even if I was, would I make a difference?  How do we teach an entire culture of children that there is a better way?  How to I help them realize that to love someone else helps them to love themselves more?  It feels better. How do I take these students from a feeling of abuse in a building to a feeling of comfort, love and safety?  Isn’t this what we deserve? 

This is overwhelming. So… Where do I begin? Do I take one classroom and work intently with them at the beginning of the school year? Treat them in a therapy group once a week.  Teach them how to be a loving family. Am I crazy for thinking I have the ability to do this? 

And then ministry comes in… So many opportunities to share Hope. Are my students in the youth group acting like this?  Could I make more of an impact if I were working in the church over the school? 

I will begin to study, read and pray. Maybe something will come to me.  Maybe I’ll make something up. BUT to sit and wait for things to get better is NOT an option. So… it’s time.

Is it okay to take Jesus out of His teachings?

Capturing Kids Hearts.  I had a 3 day training this week on Capturing Kids Hearts.

What a great teaching approach for professional educators! It focuses on RELATIONSHIPS with the students.  It focuses on the importance of being slow to anger, getting to know the child (AKA LOVE them) and having patience with them.  What great concepts to teach to educators!  I have often thought when we are teaching character to students and teachers that we are teaching Biblical concepts.  Sometimes it gets to me but then I think “it’s great to be instilling these concepts and traits into the people, even if they don’t know Jesus.” 

I opened by book and we were asked to study the quote 

Leadership = Service   -Flip Flippen

WHAT!? Oh… thankfully Flip Flippen, the founder of “Capturing Kids Hearts” discovered that Leadership = service and that he is putting his name on that quote.  I am almost feel like that is Blaspheme… “Oh I know another guy that said this too, 2,000 years ago! His name is Jesus and we actually base our calendar around his life!”  

Mark 9:35 “If anyone wants to be first, they must last of all and servant of all” 

Now, please do not hear me wrong.  I think that this Flip Flippen guy has done some INCREDIBLE things in the US public schools.  He has helped educators look at students with VALUE and hope and love.  He deserves some serious credit.  

I DO believe we can teach Biblical concepts and character without teaching where it came from.  I do believe that people can be wonderful people and treat each other in love without knowing the Lord. BUT it just got to me… seeing that quote in the training manual with Flip’s name behind it.  

Keep on doing what you are doing Flip, I think it is wonderful. Maybe you even know Jesus and he is guiding you through your Journey.  Maybe I am way off… but I think we need to be able to give SOME credit to the crazy guy 2,000 years ago that taught all of these leadership values.  Whether you believe he was God or not, pay respect where respect is due.

Purpose

Often when tragedy happens I begin to question… what brought that person to the point of wanting to hurt people they do not know?  Are people inherently good or evil? How will others respond to this incident, will they blame God? Mental health? Bullying? I feel caught up in this whirlwind of debates, anger and confusion.  In order for me to clear my mind I usually find the sun, a quiet park and I pray and write.  It helps me to remember that this world is not all evil, nor are we doomed to a horrible life of fear.  Today, because the weather is gross I found a quiet booth in Panara and I am drinking hazelnut coffee; my favorite.

Hand in Hand

How great the past 2 weeks have been. 

NO. Not how easy, or non-demanding, or kind the past 2 weeks have been.  The past two weeks have been HARD, confusing, stressful, challenging, intimidating and scary.  Why then do I feel like they have been great? 

For a moment I asked myself, “Have I gone mad?  Why am I not crying and pulling out my hair because my job is so hard?”  As I think about it, I have been in constant communication with our God.  I have been relying on Him in the morning, afternoon and evening.  I have been talking more about His grace and love.  I think I have learned even more how to accept His grace and love lately.  I have come to terms that I will mess up.  I am not perfect but God knows this.  As Psalm 139 states, he already knows what I think before I think it. How comforting.  I want so badly to follow His plan for me. So currently at this job I am going to work my hardest to get it right. I will continue to pray, dig through the Word of God and seek His Will for me.  If it is to stay in the Chaos of the schools, I will. If it’s to move on to a new difficult task, I will.

Hand in hand, I feel like I can do anything with faith that the creator will provide. I don’t have all the answers… there is still so much I question.  I can attest to one for sure thing, there is nothing more real than when you lay down your own plans for His. The peace that comes along with that is something I will work for daily. 

Praise the Lord! For He is the ONLY thing in this world that will fulfill your needs.  No spouse, child, job, hobby, addiction can offer everlasting peace and joy… Praise God for this.

Life and God’s Guidance

Sometimes I feel a strong pull from the Lord.  I feel Him telling me “not this way…” Sometimes I wonder if the “calling” I’m feeling is me being discontent with the place that I’m at.  I have been having some great discussions with Mark lately about this and see the need to write it down.  

There are aspects of my job that I do not like.  Being a social worker is hard, sometimes dangerous and I don’t like feeling like I have the state breathing down my throat to act in a way that is pleasing to them.  Often times I feel like I have to defend every move I make as a school social worker; as if parents are out to catch the one wrong move I make in their child’s life…even though I make 100 right moves before that.  Let me tell you what, I am human.  I am a sinner.  I will make mistakes.  And just this week, I think I became okay with this in my career.  I don’t have to be the perfect social worker.  There will be days that I can only give 75% but as long as I give 100% of that 75% I am pleasing the Lord. 

There has been a battle for me so far in the public school system.  How do I truly help these kids without helping them know their savior.  I have a few kids who I can talk about God with.  Most of the time I am teaching Biblical principles to children without using the name of God: - Treat each other with respect - Be slow to anger - Love yourself - Forgive others when they wrong you… I will be able to reach a handful of children with the Lord’s name and the rest I will help with mental struggles so maybe someone else can introduce the name of God to them and they can be more accepting and understanding.  I don’t know, this is still something I am working on figuring out. 

What I do know is that my passion is to teach love.  If I am not teaching love then I do not feel complete.  Next week I am going to teach in the classrooms.  I don’t know what yet.  I do know that I am going to invite the Lord into every lesson I get to teach these kids.  He has a message for them and although I may be in a public school and not preaching, I do believe the Lord can still speak through me. So for now, this year, this will be my journey. 

Class room lesson to be updated next week.

2012…

For about a week now I have been wanting to take time out to write about what 2012 meant to me.  It has been quite the year…

*I dove into my internship, developed and implemented a therapy group

*Finished my internship and did 6 weeks of insane amount of school

*Graduated with my master’s degree!

*Spoke at graduation… biggest speaking event of my life so far!

*Great graduation party

*Stood in a best friend’s wedding

*Turned 26

*Vacation for a week with lots of resting in the sun

*camping

*Started dating the mark :)

*Got a full time job at kentwood

*Lot’s of fun dates! Random date night…

*Starting my first coaching gig

*lost my grandpa from this world

*Grew tremendously close with my family

*Found out a best friend is having a BABY! first one in the GNO!

*Grew closer to the Lord and deeper in knowledge of his word… 

(I have more to add but It will have to be at a different time! What a crazy eventful year so far!)

Merry Christmas!

What a great morning to wake up. As I sit on my couch with a crisp green candle burning and a cheesy Christmas movie playing in the background, I reflect on what I want the next 2 days to look like.

Holidays have never been easy for me.  It is easy for me to be happy but what I was not blessed with is an extended family that gather and celebrate.  I am blessed with loving people in my life but they will never be in the same celebration.  I spend my holidays singing in my car reflecting on the last house I was at… only to get to the next.   This circumstance has given me the ability to see people in a different light.  People I love are family, not by blood but by commitment, love and quality time. It is a blessing and has made me the person I am. 

So for the next 2 days I want to appreciate the warmth of many different houses and faces. I want to spread the light of Christ and celebrate His life here on earth! I also get to have Mark with me when I travel. This changes everything. I have a person in my life that makes me realize how blessed I am everyday.  It is a celebration during the travel time now.  I don’t reflect by myself but laugh at the situations that happened and smile at the good times with someone that gets to experience it with me.  Such a gift. 

Let us reflect this holiday that God came to experience life with us.  Emmanuel, God With Us. Hallelujah!  

Why once a month?

I have been blogging once a month. Clearly I am on some sort of writing cycle. 

Today we went to KCC and I was left with a challenge.  To write a thank you note to our savior and then a thank you note everyday after that until Christmas.  I’m going to do it.  There are MANY people in my life to be thankful for.  Everyday I am going to write a thank you note and sit down and intentionally pray for them. Prayer is important, intentional prayer is important and I do not do enough of it.  

I’m over wasting time. I am over procrastinating.  People who procrastinate are actually stocking up stress upon themselves and they don’t even realize it.  Being productive right away is a practice.  It is a good habit that has to be learned and is easy to get behind on.  I feel like when I procrastinate there is a black haze that wraps around bits and pieces of my life.  It is an everyday practice and effort.  

Side note: I am feeling called to ministry.  It is time I sit down and really have some tough conversations with the Lord. I’m avoiding something because of fear. I’m over fear too… just like procrastination…and wasting time. Time will be given to looking into this calling.  If you read this and pray, I will need it :)

writing

Writing is therapeutic.  So is having a boyfriend that will let you vent for 10 minutes until you really say what you need to vent about. I didn’t realize how important it is to share things that make me sad or mad but tonight I had a moment of “it’s okay to be vulnerable.”  It is actually healthy to be honest with your emotions.  

I am going to try to be more honest with how I feel.  It is okay for me to have real emotions…and in return I feel very happy :)